Amazingly, another year has passed. Oddly enough, during the holiday/new year times is typically when I start thinking about writing again. Maybe it’s probably one of the very few times that I can catch a break for myself. I’ve contemplated so many times to write again and I’ve continuously told myself as it appears as I’m reading my last few posts. I am really going to try to write again, more for the sole purpose knowing that I have come to realize that I have bad memory and would love to remember moments in my life that I can’t seem to recall any more. I grimace at the thought of bringing it up to a doctor just because I don’t want to hear or know any of it. I much rather live optimistically and just hope that I forget things (even though I know I treasure them), because I am moving on with my life.
This one will surely be a long post just because this year has been quite a roller coaster. To be quite frank, I have made some choices this year that I’m not proud of so you can feel free to judge me but I am only human. I mean, hypothetically whom hasn’t made such mistakes in their lives anyways. (Yes, I keep saying judge me or not. Just a reminder to y’all that I don’t care.) In January, I wrote about how I had a boyfriend, for which his name is Ryan. Since October, shortly after his birthday, we had decided to break up. Wait, he broke up with me first as I was in such disagreement and then I decided that it was the best decision for us. It wasn’t because we “rushed” in the beginning of our relationship. It was far from that decision that we both made. We had run into many problems with Ryan being conflicted of what he wanted from our relationship. To be with someone that didn’t know what love was about or how it even felt like, it was definitely hard for him to comprehend things. To be with someone that did not know how to differentiate the differences between the types of love, was most definitely difficult as well. Continue reading
I meant to start writing again on New Year’s Day but I didn’t get a chance to with all the plans I had. After being MIA for almost a year, the website looks so foreign to me. One of the few new year resolutions that I have for this year is to begin writing again, whether it is to write in my journal or write it in this blog. I am aiming to do a bit more when I get the chance to. I tried to do that last year but that obviously did not work.
Looking back at 2015, it was truly an amazing year for me. Let’s see… I struggled in the beginning of the year as I was trapped in a situation which at that time, I thought was a tough situation. But realistically, I was scared of letting go, breaking my routines and not wanting to embrace change. I left my prior relationship of 4 years in the beginning of February. I finally started living my life and getting together with friends that I was pretty much “banned” to see or speak with. I met my current significant other in the middle of March and have been dating ever since. (I have my reasoning on why I moved on so quickly and you don’t know the story behind it to truly judge me but you can still judge me if you want.) I officially moved out in April, which then my boyfriend ended up moving in with me not long after. Continue reading
Things have definitely changed within the past 11 days since I wrote my last post. Last week, my ex and I broke up particularly because of me. Last night, I finally said my final goodbyes and I feel relieved. I did love him, there is no doubt that I didn’t. But I couldn’t wait any longer. There were more issues with our relationship than I had ever posted or told people. It was going downhill for over a year. I think possibly 2 years. A relationship without the trust and honesty is definitely dark. There was only temporary happiness and it became a one way street. I was the giver, but never given anything in return. There’s no much left for me to say besides that I really do sincerely hope he changes who he is for the next girl he ends up. For I do not know how any girl could handle the pain and suffering that I had dealt with for 4 years. The good memories were impeccable. But it was not enough to compensate for all the bullshit I endured. I left with happiness and a burden lifted from my heart and shoulders. I know that it is definitely time, not because of what’s been happening within the past several weeks, but because I no longer mope over our break up and I feel much more relieved than before. I have already left this chapter in my life, and I’m embarking on a new chapter, trying to rediscover myself for I had lost sight of who I am. I am saying goodbye to the guy that helped me believe in life again, the guy that hadn’t learned to grow up, the guy that I had loved for the past 7 years. I am free and I am definitely happy.
I have been sitting here for the past several hours. With a (was) blank post, waiting to be filled with my thoughts. But as I’ve sat here, I have realized that there are just too many words for my mind to comprehend and lay out on a post. I have been overwhelmed with school, constantly stressing on whether I’ll be able to make it alive anymore. But I don’t feel stressed. I am calm, I am relaxed. I did horribly on my biology exam (D) but oddly, I’m feeling pretty optimistic about it. I can’t explain what has occurred within the past 2 weeks(?) but there will be changes in my life that I think I have put off too long. I think last week, I made a post about how I was frustrated. I think I’ve resolved it and it’s a work in progress plan. I can’t tell you how much excitement for what the future lies ahead of me. There’s so many words that I can’t even put in a sentence to make it here. So let me try to compile; Continue reading